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attracting the light
October 2009 
Is It Wise?
Posted on Jul 10th, 2008
by 
Fearless
Fearless
IS IT WISE for me to be telling the world that I am a 55 year old woman, travelling alone and then giving my itinerary? This is what I woke at 3.30am this morning thinking about.
Always there is a duality to life and here I have mine. Fearless or Foolish?
I am torn by my natural inclination to be self-revealing and my other, 'loner' temperment. When I meet people for the first time, I tend to be a bit like a flasher - opening my trench coat wide so they can see everything that I've got (and am). But I am also very reclusive in nature as well - I don't really enjoy people wanting anything from me. I don't want to be obligated. I crave interaction, but I also love my solitude. I want both, but on my terms.
In fact, one of my most used refrains is, "Leave me alone!" And life has obliged - I am alone! lol But I also feel that nature meant us all to have a mate. (David and I have an ongoing conversation about 'mate' vs 'a number of loving parners').
It's this duality that I find fascinating. I'm a confident shy person. A hippy fascist. Sometimes patient and indulgent, and at other times impatient and judgemental. Emotional, yet sometimes quite un-empathetic. But I can't dwell on these characteristics - they are part of seeing both sides of the coin. I yearn to interact with like-minded souls; yet I'm quite wary of being 'trapped' with people who don't stimulate me.
I'm wondering whether I should tell people in Second Life about this blog and reveal to the world in general what I'm doing and what I'm thinking. I don't know whether it is particularly wise to 'cross over' between virtual reality and 'real' reality. Does keeping my 'realities' separate, encourage a kind of schizophrenia, where I am actively separating components of myself?
Maybe I need to be circumspect when I say things like, "... I'm quite wary of being 'trapped' with people who don't stimulate me." How is this going to affect others? No one wants to be under that kind of scrutiny.
Maybe these kind of ruminations are best left to thoughts you have in bed at 3.30 in the morning and not flashed to the rest of the world?
But I have this perverse desire to reveal myself. And then I think, "Is it perverse?" Is it needy? Is it self-promotion? Does the world NEED another voice in the wilderness?
Yesterday, I decided that 1st September (the first day of spring), would be my departure date and had the impulse to shave my head as a symbolic "fresh start" gesture. Shaving my head is something I've always wanted to do - just to see how all that lovely fresh new growth would come back. I have no allusions about looking beautiful - I'm pretty sure it will look like a big, fat, ugly ol' white bowling ball!
But I'm thinking that it will focus my attention on what I have allowed myself to become - a much larger person than I ever intended to be. There will be nowhere to hide when I am thus exposed. I will HAVE TO dedicate myself to nurturing myself - to sculpting this bald head of mine into a better 'work of art'.
I'm pretty sure I will do it. This trip is very much an artistic expression. I'm not thinking of it in terms of perfection - I'm thinking of it in terms of experience and results.
I made some enquiries yesterday with my internet service provider (ISP) about my options for internet on the road. They suggested a satellite service through a Next G mobile phone, but I don't know whether I will take it up.
Part of the experience of being on the road, for me, is NOT having constant exposure to the internet. I want to spend nights reading and writing - not being on Second Life which I know I would be tempted to do. So I think my initial idea of just being in touch with 'the outside world' only when I found an internet cafe, will be sufficient exposure.
ALTHOUGH having an satellite mobile phone does sound like a reasonable security precaution! Besides, it would enable me to have nightly contact with David (his night, which is my middle of the day), which he told me yesterday he intends to do.
I'm still left with the question though - is it wise to make general announcements of where I'm going or where I've been? Will I attract the light? Or the dark?
MY SHOPPING LIST FOR TODAY is a light-weight aluminium rake (to rake away sticks and stones from in front of my van so I can put down a good-sized rubber mat in front of the door); and a new broom for inside the van.
Access: PublicTagged with: Duality, Circumspection, Being Obligated, Shaving My Head, Attracting The Light, Internet Connection
Grace,
I don't know anything about Second Life but can guess. I do know about radical changes in life, having made one myself when I was about 30 and another when I was a few years older. I left a relationship and dropped myself into a city where I knew no one and started over from scratch with very little funds. I've never regreted it.
I know of a couple of Gaian's who are transient and have started out on journey's of their own.
One was my very first friend here; when it was still called Zaadz. She is young, in her 20s and left a relationship on the east coast and headed west here in the US. She stopped and spent a weekend with me as I am about half way across the country right in the middle. She had a bed to sleep in instead of her tent, a chance to clean out her cooler and replenish supplies (I gave her a few things I had here that she enjoyed while visiting) and a chance to have a shower in a private bath. It was just like we were ONE in so many ways that she was very comfortable to be around. Her name is Carrie and you can find her at this link - http://organicearthsoul.gaia.com/.
Another is a “Zum”, Buddhist Monk, he is writing a blog of his travels which are also interesting. He is now in Mexico and was previously on the west coast of the US. I don't know him as well as I know Carrie but you can find him here - http://truthplacebo.gaia.com/.
Each of these might make good companions for your along the way. With Carrie, you can mention my name and she will know who I am. Zum probably doesn't know me but I do enjoy reading about his travels and experiences.
Besides internet cafes, you may find that - if Australia is anything like the US - most public libraries have internet access as well, and you don't have to pay to use their computers. I once checked in with Gaian that way, when I had a couple of hours to kill in the city, while my in-laws attended the theater and didn't have my laptop with wireless with me. If you computer has wireless, you will be surprised at the unusual places you will have access to the net.
I hope you will keep in touch with me from time to time. We are about the same age and I would enjoy the vicarious thrill of traveling with you. Your decision will be a fond memory all of your remaining days, I've no doubt about it. And you will be most fearless and feel quite confident for having done it. Just remember the Law of Attraction and watch for synchroncities and all will be well with your journey.
Wishing you happy trails …
Deborah
The worlds is yours to paint – i paint you a wonderful life where you are filled with bliss. no one will hurt you because metaphysics will push them away from you – you'll not even see them… as wayne dyer pointed out happy people live in a happy world and cruel people live in a cruel world. same world different realities.
What lovely sentiments Nightphoenix and Deborah - I feel wrapped in a lovely cloak of warmth and security from having read them.
That's a great travel hint Deborah (about the libraries for internet access) - I hadn't thought of that! And it will be lovely to have 'travel companions' along the way - especially on another continent - imagine that, travellers of the world, connected.
So pleased to have had you touch my life.
Grace
Hi Fearless
I would be carful what to say in second life, because there are weird people and they copy others.
I like reading your blog frearless, it is interesting.